Can This Marriage Be Saved?

It’s been 13 years, and the union has both blessed and tormented me.

Blessed me with children, long vacations, financial security, opportunities to learn and travel, engaging relationships, pride, and purpose.

And tormented me with feelings of resentment, anger, frustration, anxiety, and inadequacy. 

If it sucks your soul, you know you’re doing it right.

(Plus shingles–on my FACE. And problems with word recall. I was so troubled by the inability to find words such as “push,” “carpenter,” and “cabinet” that I saw a neurologist who, after an MRI and extensive testing by a neuropsychologist, declared that my cognitive dysfunction was due to stress.)

I desperately WANT the marriage to work. Do you have any idea how much energy and passion I’ve invested? Not to mention that if I can persist for 17 more years, my golden years will be exquisite.

But while it used to fill me up to brimming, now it sucks me dry. (“If it sucks your soul, you know you’re doing it right,” a friend in similar shoes once told me.) Those moments of gratification and pleasure that were abundant in the early days have been outplayed by flashes of disappointment, listlessness, and finally, indifference.

Have I considered divorce? You bet I have, and I have rejected the idea, too, because I always regarded myself one of those “till death do us part”-ers.  Furthermore, who else would want someone my age with such “limited experience”? And to be honest, I’m just not certain I have the moxie to start over. So much has changed since the last time I was “on the market.”

So we’re simply taking a break. I see the next nine months or so as an opportunity for me to slow down, look around, and find some perspective.

I have 186 days to sort it all out. Stay tuned.

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19 Comments Add yours

  1. You are definitely doing it right! But I bet that it’s all the stupid bullshit that’s sucking you dry. It’s so sad that it has made you consider leaving,. I hope that you do come back, but enjoy your year off. What are your plans?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. elenahershey says:

      Thanks for the support, Tara! I intend to slow down, be thankful, ask questions, and find answers. And read the books I never have time to read; write for fun; learn new skills (starting with creating a WordPress site and blogging!); develop a new hobby or two; reconnect with my family and friends; volunteer; cook healthy meals; and ride my bike.

      Like

      1. That’s great! I’m also starting a blog too, I’ll be writing about pants for tall women. (tallchic.wordpress.com). I am looking forward to reading about your experience!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. beandog9 says:

    So looking forward to following your quest.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. elenahershey says:

      Thanks, Maureen. Seems both of us find ourselves on uncertain paths at the moment. Sending you and Angie lots of love and best wishes on your new venture!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wendy says:

    I will indeed stay tuned!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. mandywebster2000@gmail.com says:

    I’ve read your blog post at least five times – I love it! I really, really do, and I totally appreciate the importance of what you are doing this year. I look forward to following your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Karen says:

    Love this first piece and certainly looking forward to more!

    Like

  6. Vance says:

    Yep, staying tuned….x

    Like

  7. If “if it sucks your soul, then you know you’re doing it right” is the good news, I sure don’t want to know the bad.

    Like

  8. Kathy Cooper says:

    I am so happy you are blogging about this new time in your life. I think of you often and love that you are sharing the experience, your challenges and enlightenment. xo

    Like

  9. Carina says:

    Sister, this is a aptly applied metaphor indeed. What a gift to be able to take a year away from your “partner” to reassess. Marriages end everyday. Some probably prematurely and each person walks away from the greatest challenge of their life that could lead to some of the greatest blessing. Others end, that probably could have ended sooner, had the “abused” been less stubborn and resilient! I say this with tongue in cheek of course, not to make light of divorce/marriage. Still, the connections are real and resonate with me deeply! Thank you, E.

    Like

    1. elenahershey says:

      I know you feel my pain, my friend! So glad we have each other. 🙂

      Like

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